When I like or swipe right on my types, they don’t match back and I’m wondering if I’m just not what they’re looking for? Do I need to be more alternative or edgy looking with my aesthetic/pictures and get tattoos or piercings? I appreciate those aesthetics on other people but don’t have ideas on what I would get for those “accessories,” and I have a high sensitivity to piercing/needle-type pain and etc. I get lots of likes on dating apps so I’m doing a lot of things right with my profile and etc, but they aren’t the matches I’m really attracted to.
I wish I had more of a variety of people I’m attracted to because I really struggle with attracting my “type”. I can’t feel sexual with slim or average women and I’ve talked to a few therapists over the years that assured me that I’m not fetishizing my type (which I had chronic anxiety and worried that I was a shitty dude who was obsessed with the physical aspect). But the problem I’m having is that I seem to only be attracted to those types and can’t feel attraction towards other people with different physical traits. Now, these sound like lovely folks that would be a great match, and lots of friends have said “wow you really have a type!”. The women I am attracted to are very much the same in personality, beliefs, with physical traits including more nerdy, alternative, and pastel styles such as coloured hair, tattoos, piercings, body-positive “fat babes” of all sizes whether curvy or significantly bigger. My own characteristics are that I’m a neurodivergent male (ADHD and well-masked Autism), early 30-something year old, nerdy, straight but not heteronormative, kind, good conversationalist, hyper aware and empathetic about consent culture, like to dress in fun/cute stylish clothes, lots of creative and pro-social interests in science and psych topics, leftist beliefs, etc, etc. Hi Doc! I would like to get to the bottom of my problem in that I’m struggling with attracting “my type.” Now I understand the topic of “types” may have been beaten to death, but I really feel my type is something realistic for me and not some “manic pixie dream girl” or standard-societal-model-of-what-I-should-be-attracted-to thing.
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